My favorite time of day to crochet is late at night.
I find comfort in knowing my husband and son are in the house and all worries seem to flee my mind for a while.
As soon as I sit down to binge watch my favorite show with my yarn and hook in hand, the creativity seems to flow.
I have come up with several patterns that I have written. They sit in a book in the craft room and I fall back on them if the occasional step seems to flee my mind.
After designing the Graph Beanie Pattern, I had several people reach out to me about selling the pattern. It was something I wanted to do but honestly didn't know where to start. I finally got the nerve up to sell the pattern and sold a few here and there. After a few weeks Liz, over at Playin' Hooky Designs, reached out and helped me with the pattern. We talked and worked together to create an amazing pattern.
I had admired Liz and her work for a while, so to be able to co-author a pattern with her was such an honor. The Graph Beanie has been a great piece to build on and has been a huge hit. 
It wasn't until I worked with Liz that the pattern took off. Speed up to a while later and I designed several other items and released a few as patterns. They have NOT been met with the same excitement as the Graph Beanie has.
Last year I released the Braided Infinity Scarf as a finished piece into the shop. Customers loved it and it became a best seller for me last fall/winter. After several request I decided to release the pattern this past week.
It is one of the pieces I am most proud of and to see it not do as well has left me with some disappointment.
I know if I were to find a person to help and co-author with me it would probably do better, most of my patterns honestly would because something about this designing stuff...its who you know. It is VERY cliquey and I've found it hard to break through.
I received a message yesterday that made me doubt myself and the designing world.
A designer reached out to me to let me know she would be releasing a pattern that was similar to mine. I questioned her a bit and she came back with "It does happen. More frequently than you'd think".
I was hurt, frustrated that such a large designer would make it seem like it wasn't big deal. I'm sure there are little differences here and there but she will receive more exposure because of her shop size.
I've purchased several of her patterns, supported her work only to be met with "It happens".
(Apparently this isn't uncommon for her upon further investigation.)
There were other ways in which it could have been approached, I was so taken back that I didn't know what to say...so after questioning her I just let it go. I'm the small hook in the crochet world...and I'm okay with that.
I just wanted a little respect, a little support.
And I found it!
Not in the way that I may have wanted at first but I found the support I needed.
My TRIBE, my tribe always pulls thru with love, encouragement and support.
I had several crochet friends share my pattern and they have been the ladies that have been my cheerleaders on this journey.
Self confidence can be hard for me in such a large handmade community.
Do I measure up to (fill in the blank)?
I do this little business so I can stay home with our son. So when the school calls and he needs a breathing treatment I can go do that.
I do this for all the prescriptions we have to buy each month.
I love creating, I love the way making something with my hands makes me feel and the pride I have in what comes from a piece of wood and skein of yarn.
I let it go...I let the situation go and I will support the designers that support the small ones.
I will create even if things don't sell like I think they should.
I will continue to be Kimberly the face, hands and heart behind Oikos Handmade.
This shop started because of our little boy...and I will continue to run my little shop with heart and integrity, just the way it started.
Thank you for your love and support,
I couldn't do this little dream without you.
